September 19, 2012
This is my friend. I’m shaking the dust off of quite possibly the worst fucking tumblr account to wish his naked naked face a happy birthday.
Here is how I see it: I turn 26 today and its time to start having fun. You know?
(slow-mo version here)
February 16, 2010
Want big pants?
December 5, 2009
"Sports Illustrated’s Centaursman of the Year, A-Rod, and Sports Illustrated’s Most Magical Vagina of the Year, Kate Hudson, are going to the Dominican Republic for Jay-Z’s birthday party. They’re going to play Pin The Tail on Dame Dash and do that thing in the Big Pimpin’ video where they throw bottles of Grey Goose around on everyone except this time Beyonce’s going to give Hov this disapproving look like, Oprah’s here, behave yourself and Jay-Z’s gonna be like, B, I love you, but pause? It’s my birthday, and she’ll be like, fine, and Jay will shower a bottle of Goose on Oprah. Awesome. Meanwhile, A-Rod will be galloping about with the other Centaurs of the Dominican Republic while Kate Hudson does whatever the wives of centaurs do when their men are out homoerotically cavorting with other half-man-half-horse-peoples."
- Foster Kramer.
September 23, 2009
Welcome to the song that will be in your head for the rest of your week.
September 9, 2009
I wish I had some of those hair tubes.
September 6, 2009
I have small, Carnie-sized hands. When I make small things, it helps my hand-esteem. Also, my giggle-esteem. Don’t ask me what that means. I wouldn’t be able to tell you.
September 5, 2009
September 1, 2009
If I never met a person with Down Syndrome, and my only exposure to them was through “Secret Life of the American Teenager”, I would think they were all assholes.
August 30, 2009
"Keep your comments in your pocket!"
- Johnny. (The Room)
August 26, 2009
I have probably eaten 34 bananas.